


You Have One Job

by Miss_M



Category: Whiplash (2014)
Genre: Banter, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 16:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4228893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_M/pseuds/Miss_M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fletcher texts Andrew with a simple request. It goes about as smoothly as you’d imagine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Have One Job

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing.

Andrew, we’re out of toilet paper

Andrew 

Neiman

Your entire brain-damaged generation has these things surgically attached to your jerk-off hands

Do not fucking ignore my messages

**texts they’re called texts, k?**

Toilet paper. I do not like repeating myself

**so?**

What is this, National Retard Day? Buy some on your way back from rehearsal

**y don’t u buy it??**

It is Retard Day! Or do cell phones deprive you of your ability to spell and capitalize?

Buy the fucking toilet paper and don’t sass me, Neiman

Or I’ll remind you how high-pitched your voice gets when you squeal

**depends**

It’s like castrati are back in fashion

What?

**depends on how u intend to make me squeal**

My dick in your ass does the trick

**pfft**

**u’ll threaten to gag me with different parts of ur anatomy next**

**u need a new playlist these are all golden oldies**

Are you attempting to be witty, you scrawny little gorilla? 

Maybe, for variety’s sake, I’ll try my boot up your ass

**no u won’t**

**ur teaching’s done wonders for my arms**

You just keep mouthing off, Neiman, or is that fingering off?

**try me old man I’ll wipe the floor with u**

Old man?!?!? Boy, you’re really asking for it

If you think I can’t make you squeal in ways which never featured in your pathetic fantasies…

**u know all ur gay chicken barbs lose their sting after a while**

**now I know what u like**

All right, that’s it

Gird your loins. I’m going to teach you respect when you get back

**yeah sure**

**u sound angry and uptight maybe it’s time I pounded u again**

**3 months is a long time**

Like you didn’t go without before I came along

I’m not exactly lacking for pussy these days

**???**

You’re a dick-loving whore, Neiman, and I always knew it

**what can I say**

**ur magic dick must have jarred something loose**

**u should be proud**

I’ll jar your brain loose, dipshit

**promise? ;)**

Do not use emojis with me

**emojis? look at u sexting and using the internet and everything**

Internet is where I renew and enhance my distaste for humanity

**is that what u call porn?**

Quit dicking around and get to rehearsal

The Lincoln Center does not wait for anyone, least of all you

**ur just sore because they banned u from rehearsals**

You were rushing, as usual

I don’t need to be there to know that situation hasn’t improved

And buy the goddamn toilet paper

Or I’ll wipe my ass with your charts 

**I already know them by heart**

**so ur welcome to them**

Are you there? 

**nearly there**

Jesus wept! I should hire a nanny to cart you around in a pram

**I bet Charlie Parker didn’t have to put up with this micromanaging bullshit**

Until you can play like Charlie Parker, don’t presume to take his name in vain

You entitled, princessy little shit

**love u 2, Fletch**

Do not fucking call me that!!

Don’t know why I put up with your useless rushing ass

Little shit


End file.
